The School in my Head by Sandra Dodd

"Nobody's perfect," they say, and I have been challenged to reveal my own doubts and failings. I don't mind.

I still have a school in my head. Witness my total unwillingness to go to Disney World. That is a definite "nope" for me, and the only thing that would help would be more deschooling. That might happen, but I would rather settle for the more comfortable Disneyland.

Here is the true and embarrassing reason that I can love Disneyland and fear Disney World: I can score a higher percentage at Disneyland. I can do better than 80%, maybe 90% if I stay three days. I have heard from many people that one would have to stay at Disney World a week to see it all. So I don't want to go, because if I see any less than 70% that would not be a passing grade.

I see the world in terms of percentage grades. I have a "grading" overlay behind my eyes somehow that still hasn't totally faded out. It's sad but true.

For some people it's even worse, though. Some people can't leave school because they're carrying it around like a snail and his shell. They live there, still. School became an ingrown, hard part of them. They still define themselves by their school failures and successes.
How does a person who has gone to school for twelve years or thirteen or sixteen or twenty years get over all that programming and all those messages? Slowly, and with effort, and sometimes school can still flood back in or ooze around the edges. Can they find their school-less selves?

Last year I forgot school was out, and offered to help a friend of mine in one of her history classes. It was July, though, and she said, "Cool! When school starts." She needed to borrow some chain mail, but not in summer. That seemed like progress, for me to have been unaware of "school year" for a while.

Every September, "back to school" kicks in. I crave the smell of crayons and new pencils. I like to go down the school supply aisle at the store and admire packages of paper, and new binders. My kids still have the binders they've had for years and they don't need new ones. I don't either, yet I'm drawn there like a migratory bird that has to pass over familiar ground at the same time every year.

I like the appearance of the letter "A" much better than I like to see a "D" or an "F." My maiden name started with "A", and my married name starts with "D." "D" is not as good. Those letters are branded into my brain with their "values" from school.

But little scars like that are only irritations or curiosities. I regret scars and imperfections and little sorrows, but though they slow me down, they don't cripple me. I can see through and over them.

School is part of me, and I am part of the school memories of many people, whether as a schoolmate or as their teacher. But school is not a part of my children, nor they of school.
Sometimes people say to me, "You're patient with your own children but pushy with unschooling parents." I don't go door to door asking people if they know about unschooling, and whether they'd like to know more. If they come where I already am, though, I might press. And when I do, it's because of the possibility that they will run out of time.

My kids have their whole lives to memorize 7x8 if they want to.

The mother of a twelve year old has VERY little time if she wants to help her child recover from school and spend a few unschooling years with him before he's grown and gone. She doesn't have time to ease into it gradually. If she stalls, he'll be fifteen or sixteen and it just won't happen.
If the mother of a five year old is trying to decide how much reading instruction and math drill to continue with before she switches to unschooling, I would rather press her to decide toward "none," because "some" is damaging to the child's potential to learn it joyfully and discover it on his own. And "lots" will only hurt that much more. "None" can still be turned to "some" if the parent can't get unschooling. But if she doesn't even try unschooling, she misses forever the opportunity to see that child learn to read gradually and naturally. It will be gone forever. Forever.

That's why I don't say, "Gosh, I'm sure whatever you're doing is fine, and if you want to unschool you can come to it gradually at your own pace. No hurry."

People say jokingly (though it's true) of their late-reading children, "I'm sure he'll be reading by the time he goes on a date." The same cannot be said of unschooling, though, if the parent is attached to thinking she needs to teach things.

Until a person stops doing the things that keep unschooling from working, unschooling cannot begin to work.

It seems simple to me. If you're trying to listen for a sound, you have to stop talking and be still.
Some people want to see unschooling while they're still teaching and putzing and assigning and requiring.

They have to stop that first. And then they have to be still. And then they have to look at their children with new eyes.

If they don't, it won't happen.

I still see "subject areas" everywhere, but I haven't taught those categories and prejudices to my children. Science has much more to do with history than geology has to do with microbiology, but in school geology, biology, astronomy and physics are all "the same thing," and history is different altogether. Yet the best parts of history involve the knowledge cultures had and how they put it to use, whether in shipbuilding or iron tool use, medicine or communications.

Holly asked yesterday about when people discovered the world wasn't flat. I told her there was no one date or century because people discovered different things at different times, and some were shushed up when they said the world was round, or that the sun didn't orbit around the earth. I also told her, "Ask your dad, because he's really interested in the history of science."
I noticed when I said it that I had "named subject areas," but I didn't feel too bad. She's twelve, and reading, and after all "the history of science" was never part of my schooling. A science teacher wasn't certified to teach me history, and vice versa. Only outside of school did I figure out that scientific discoveries were history, and that music was science, and that art was history.
School served to prevent connections for me, but I overcame that, with difficulty. It is a problem my children never had. If Animaniacs completed a circuit for them between Magellan and WWII, well it's a circuit school would never have completed for me under any circumstances. If learning for fun creates more connections than "serious learning" did, I can no longer look at "serious learning" seriously.

The best function of the school in my head, as it turns out, is to remind me where not to dwell. I did my time in and around school, and learned things painstakingly and grudgingly that my children later learned while laughing and playing and singing. I have guarded my children's freedom and given them happy choices that I didn't have.

I know from school that the best way to end an essay is to tie it back to the beginning, but these birds cannot nest where I started. They are a generation removed and have flown freely out and about without a school to return to in September. But wait: if I take 10% off the essay for a weak ending, I do indeed tie it back, and so might yet get an "A."

Quite pathetic, but it makes me feel better.

Sandra Dodd lives in Albuquerque and has three tall young people in her family who have never been to school. A former teacher, former good student, Junior Honor Society member and one-time officer of the safety patrol, Sandra will probably never recover from school in this lifetime.
This was the Unschoooling column in the March/April 2004 issue of Home Education Magazine.

How Shayna has kept herself busy at "Pre - Camp Emerson"

We are still in "Pre-Camp" mode at Emerson. For me, this means a lot of time on the phone with parents, going through forms, setting up camp etc..... For Shayna this means TONS of playing time with her buddy Gemma.

So what have the girls been up to ....

They love, love, love that they have been "hired" by many of the staff to clean out offices, collate papers etc.... They are working for cash and Starburst ! (cheap enough !) They have been to the movies to see CARS.

And they have had the "run" of camp. During this time, Shayna has made maps of camp with secret trails and routes around camp. It is a pretty detailed map and her thoughts include hanging it up in her bunk to help the "newbies" ! They have been in the pool for several hours. They have wrestled with the Asst Director and won (according to them !). And they have played games & watched some DVDs.

The girls are immensly enjoying the time alone at camp. We don't see them from 8 am - 9 pm except at meals. What independent souls.

When the "kids arrive" at camp their life will change greatly - but only for the better !

Follow Me to Camp Emerson

We have been at Camp Emerson for 48 hours ! I haven't seen Shayna at all except when she gets ready for bed. This is what I will call "Pre-Camp". She is hanging out with one of her camp buddies, Gemma... as all the adults are preparing camp.

Before we left for Emerson, Shayna decorated the van (see picture) ! It looked great ! The back said "Follow me to Camp Emerson". The two side windows said "Honk if you love Emerson" and "Camp Emerson... not your ordinary camp."

We had an uneventful drive from N.VA to Massachusetts. This is the type of drive I personally prefer. We got to Emerson and I haven't seen Shayna since. Seriously ! Gemma and Shayna are so independent.

I will be popping in over the summer to update everyone !

My Weaknesses

There are certain things I simply can't pass up in life.....

The Talboits Outlet in Springfield, VA.... shoe shopping at any shoe store and BOOKS !!!! Boy do I love books. I love it even more when book warehouses have their end of the year clearance sale !

About 2 months ago, I attended a bookfair at an Elementary School where my closest friends youngest child attends kindergarten. She told me it wasn't a "Scholastic Fair" and I needed to see the quality of these books. I went and spent over $100 on books that I didn't know I needed. The company was called BOOKWORM PLANTATION.

For the longest time, I kept meaning to look it up on the internet since I knew it was a Northern VA company; however didn't get around to it until this past week. While exploring their website I found out that they were having their "end of the year clearance sale" where books would be discounted up to 70 % in June. Bad news - I would of left N.VA for Camp Emerson when the sale begun. I got up my courage, called them, spoke with the MOST DELIGHTFUL person Midge and they invited me to come down early.

Yesterday, Amanda (my Talboits, shoe shopping, book shopping best friend) and I went with our kids down there ! It was absolutely AMAZING !!!! We spent a lot more than either of us intended to - but got GREAT QUALITY books and educational games ! The staff was more than welcoming ! Shayna was delighted with even more new books. Amanda's kids were thrilled. All three children were found sitting in a corner reading page after page.

Ironically, we both (Amanda and I) totally overspent what we thought we would BUT we spent within 5 cents of each other. Don't ask me how we do this !

Bookworm Plantation is opening its doors for its annual clearance sale - GO TO IT !!! It runs June 12 - June 23 in Manassas, VA from 8 am - 3 pm Monday - Friday. You can call Midge for more information at 703-367-0045. Tell her EVA gave you the information. And if you are a HOMESCHOOLER let them know ! They love homeschoolers ! You will get the royal treatment ! For more information you can also go to www.bookwormplantation.com .

Top 10 Answers You Should NEVER Give to the Question "What?! No School Today?"

10. Well normally yes, but this time of year I need help with the planting and plowing.

9. Goodness, no!!! I graduated 18 years ago, but thanks for the compliment!

8. No, we homeschool. We're just out to pick up a bag of pork rinds and some Mountain Dew, then we gotta hurry home to catch our soaps.

7. What?! Where did you guys come from?! I thought I told you to stay at school! I'm sorry. This happens all the time. (sigh)

6. There isn't? Why, you'd think we'd see more kids out then, don't you?

5. We're on a field trip studying human nature's intrusive and assumptive tactics of displaying ignorance and implied superiority. Thanks for the peek!

4. On our planet we have different methods of education. (Shhh! No, I didn't give it away... keep your antennae down!)

3. Oh my goodness! I thought that today was Saturday...come on kids, hurry!

2. Noooooope.Me 'n Bubba jes' learns 'em at home. Werks reel good!

And the number one answer we should NEVER give to the question: "What? No school today?"

1. "What? No Bingo today?"

Visitng with the Patriots who helped form our country ...

Last night was our living wax musuem, the grand finale of American Revolution War Coop. For the last four months the children have gathered together every Friday at 10 am to learn about the "road" to the constitution. They listened to lectures, stories, acted out plays, created dioramas, did art projects, worked on timelines, created lapbooks and went on MANY field trips. The class was only supposed to last three hours but at 1 pm, almost weekly, the kids begged for more ! We often went an extra hour or two !

For the living wax museum, all children had to write a "speech" and perform it on stage. The speech was about their life and what made them important. All children ranging in age from 5 - 11 got up on stage to "perform" and were magnificent ! The children also had to create a "story board" of their person's life. There were really no rules on what to do for the story board ! They had complete creativity. Finally, each child had to create a "3 x 5 baseball style" trading card of their patriot to exchange with the other children.

For the "living wax musuem", Shayna was Nathan Hale. She did an awesome job ! Nathan did an enormous amount of "living" in his short 21 years of life. He was the first American to be caught and hung during the Revolution.

The kids did an awesome job !

For the living wax musuem, Shayna was Nathan Hale.

Other reasons on why we homeschool....

A few reasons, in no particular order, certainly not all-inclusive (some pirated from other people's lists published on the net that I totally agreed with):

1. Because I think schools damage a child's self-image, ability to make unassisted decisions, motivation, trust in him/herself.

2. Because I think I am more intelligent and more capable than many teachers my child might have in a school. (How's that for elitist? ) AND Because I think my child is more intelligent and more capable than many teachers they might have in a school.

3. Because I think schools shortchange girls in science and math education and encourage violence in boys.

4. Because I do not value traditional measures of success.

5. Because my school experiences were boring and useless.

6. Because I don't trust people who don't love my children to have their best interests at heart.

7. Because I don't want my children's socialization to be hampered by being stuck with a random group of 25 agemates for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week.

8. Because I don't believe in traditional measures of "appropriate" child behavior. (aka "I've seen normal, and I don't like it.")

9. Because I want my children to have the freedom and flexibility to learn what, when, and how they choose.

10. Because I think schools are enormously ineffective places for learning.

11. Because schools are fundamentally anti-intellectual, emphasize peer acceptance over moral values, and promote all the most trivial aspects of socialization.

12. Because we believe a strong family life is important. This is impossible when families are separated for most of their waking hours. We *like* being together.

13. Because spending most of the day indoors with two dozen kids the same age is unnatural, unhealthy, and very, very limiting. Children need to see much more of the world than that.

14. Because schools promote the status quo, conformity, obedience to authority, passivity, intellectual dependence, emotional dependence, group identity, intergroup conflict, hostility towards achievement, and antipathy towards thought. Oh, yeah, and they are a colossal waste of time.

15. Because we do so many interesting things, I don't know how we'd fit in time for school.

16. Because I think homeschooling helps my child be more secure, happier, and more accepting of others.

17. Because I don't like the idea of a school trying to teach values.

18. Because I don't trust the gov't with my money. Why would I trust them with my children?

19. Because I think learning is more meaningful when it is intrinsically motivated.

20. Because our children can be exposed to more of the world by being with me than by being in a school.

21. Because I adore my children. I intend that they have the widest, most broadening experiences I can provide.

22. Because homeschooling allows long, uninterrupted blocks of time to work on an activity (which might involve daydreaming or planning or brainstorming).

23. Because children can spend more time outdoors.

24. Because children will have time to pursue interests such as sports, art, music, drama, dance, etc.

25. Children will become more responsible for their own education. They will not be passive recipients of subject matter selected by their teachers (actually administrators or government committees), but will at least have input into designing their own education and eventually take over full responsibility.

26. Children learn how to learn, not just how to be taught.

27. Children will learn to relate to people regardless of gender.