The Stupidity of Relatives
A Take Off of the Story from India "The Ten Fools"
By Shayna Hume
December 2006
On a lovely but chilly morning in December, I, Shayna Hume, was sent on an undertaking around my house. My royal, spoiled cat named Mittens, who did I mention is an awesome snuggler, assigned me the job to find ten of the biggest fools in the house. You maybe surprised at this because cats do not usually talk and definitely do not assign jobs; but this royal, spoiled cat does.
I laughed, “That should be easy, it is cheerful, caroling Christmastime and most of my relatives are already at my house, because they arrived early.”
Mittens, who looked majestically out a window, replied calmly, “Well you had better get started immediately.”
I had just gone by a window when I saw a blur speed into our driveway through a stop light. I went outside and saw it was my father, so I questioned him about what he was doing. He told me the stop light looked maroon so he did not stop because the light was not really red. Naturally he continued to speed into our driveway for there was no need to stop! I asked my father to come with me.
Next I walked into the kitchen with my father behind me and saw my mom break a single egg (nothing else) for a cake. I questioned her about what she was doing. She explained that she forced a hen that belonged to our neighbor to eat all the ingredients that would normally go into the batter for the delicious, delectable cake. Slyly, my mother took the egg, which the hen laid immediately. My mother believed that all the ingredients that were needed in the cake were held within this one egg and that she was about to bake as a cake. I asked my mother to come with me to see the royal, spoiled cat, Mittens.
So with my parents in my wake, I went into the spare bedroom. There I saw my Aunt Addie and Uncle Scott fighting. I asked my aunt and uncle, what is this fighting all about?
Aunt Addie whined, “I prayed for a good dream and your uncle prayed to snore loudly. Don’t you see that his snoring is going to interrupt my dream?”
Uncle Scott grinned and laughed, “Yes it is!”
I just stated to Aunt Addie and Uncle Scott, “Come with me.”
But before we could leave, George entered the spare bedroom and announced, “If Addie and Scott are serious about their argument may the wine in the bottle I am holding crack open and spill all over me.” And with that to show what he had just stated, George, smashed the bottle of wine on this head and cried out in shock and surprise because wouldn’t you be surprised if a wine bottle gets smashed on your head.
“Come with us George,” I recited.
When I went into the den which was full of plain, wood shelves, I saw Grandma Mary looking around. I questioned her about what she was doing. She explained that she had hid her son’s Christmas present on a shelf which was next to another shelf but now couldn’t find it. I stifled my giggles, because the room is built with wall to wall shelves, however, I just recited, “Come with me.”
As all of my relatives followed me into the living room, I saw Aunt Kathy looking puzzled. I asked her what she was doing. She replied that she threw mean, angry words at the couch to hurt the couch’s feelings. Now, when she went to find the words, she could just not see them anywhere. “Come with me, “ I dully recited.
Next, we entered the laundry room. There I saw Aunt Patty looking in the wash for what I soon found out were her crimson colored socks and cream colored socks. She explained to me that she put both pairs of socks, crimson and cream, into the washer together, because she was in a hurry, and now she only has two pairs of pink socks. “Where in the world did my crimson colored and cream colored socks disappear to?,” asked Aunt Patty.
I patiently replied, “You can look for those socks later, just come with me.”
Then I traveled back to my bedroom with eight people following me. My royal, spoiled cat, Mittens, who was soft but fierce, was waiting patiently for me, asked me about each of their stories. I shared all my relatives stories. Mittens laughed and laughed but then asked where the last two fools were. I replied, “One is you for setting the task and the other is me for carrying it out.” I held my breath after I stated this, worried that she might be angry. Fortunately, she laughed and announced that I did a good job.
Then all the relatives chorused in unison “Can we go back to what we were originally doing.”
I sighed, “What on earth could match the stupidity of relatives!”
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